As for soccer, this Simpsons clip says it all: boring. Unless you’re a yob, and prepared to lose teeth in a drunken brawl for your beloved Man City or Man United or whichever, soccer is a dull game to watch. Dishwater dull. Any game that can result in a 0-0 tie is just plain wrong, an offense against man and nature.

Look, we’re Americans. We play baseball, the greatest game God ever inspired mankind to create. Baseball is life, only better organized and with discernible rules. Soccer is what they play in nations that can’t afford bats, gloves, and shoes.

As for the World Cup, yes, I’d rather any team that represents my nation would win rather than lose. But, hey, it’s not like it’s a tight game between the Yankees and the BoSox, now, is it?


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