Rhymes with “gutter”

Qatar, rhymes with “gutter,” a spit of sand that happens to be sitting on unearned billions in oil and gas wealth, will now host the 2022 World Cup. Oh, right; most Americans don’t know that this is something called “football.” Not foosball; that’s a game that has actual scoring. Football, or, as we in the real world call it, “soccer.”

Soccer has its fans, and they are legion around the world. Like bacteria, actually: clustering in disease-ridden enclaves, blowing loud horns, getting drunk and rioting because their team loses or ties. Unless you’ve a real rooting interest, I defy you to actually stay awake during a 0-0 (or “nil-nil” as the pretentious announcers like to say) tie between two teams whose players have unpronounceable names.

On Qatar beating us for the 2022 event, I’m nothing but glad that this happened. As the Wall Street Journal points out, FIFA, the governing body, is likely corrupt as can be. Which is to be expected: soccer is, after all, a Third World sport. For those who point out that allegedly First World spots such as Manchester and Liverpool field great teams, I’d say: visit those garden spots before you label them civilized.

All I can say about losing the 2022 bid? Whew; we ducked one. Who needs tens of thousands of Third Worlders spreading their joy and diseases, driving like they were still at home (doubt this? Check out the driving skills of your typical Third World taxi driver). Who needs the many millions of dollars host cities invariably have to pour into infrastructure and extra police, EMS, and sanitation expenses?

As for the sport itself, it will never be popular here on its merits. Never. On this, I’m with the Simpsons.

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